Lizzy Caplan and Alison Brie deserve better than a contrived rom-com.

They’re two of the most hilarious, likable, talented most gorgeous actors working today. They’ve been in brilliant comedies (Party Down, Glow, Community) and dramas (True Blood, Masters of Sex, Mad Men) alike. They are most peoples’ dream girls — sans “manic pixie,” thank you — regardless of gender or sexual orientation. They’re the best.

Save the Date, however, is the worst. I watched it purely for the cast — those two, plus Martin Starr and Geoffrey Arend amount to what I thought would be a recipe for success, but it was achingly disastrous. I’d like to think that, despite my growing cynicism, I still have it in me to suspend my disbelief and enjoy a rom-com every once in awhile. But it’s impossible when the rom-com doesn’t give you much to work with.

Caplan is Sarah and Brie is Beth. They’re sisters who are dating bandmates, Andrew (Starr) and Kevin (Arend), respectively. Sarah’s more of a mess and Beth is more put together, which explains why Sarah cannot handle Kevin’s proposal of marriage and Beth cannot understand why she can’t handle it, because her wedding panning is going very smoothly. Sarah is an artist who also works at a bookstore and Beth… honestly I don’t remember what Beth does because it’s not important. What’s important is that she’s someone’s fiancee!

Despite being the main characters of the movie, neither of them are nuanced or believable. They inhabit incredibly boring stereotypes we’ve seen before — the put-together younger sister and the free-spirited older sister. One always wears pearls and one always wears plaid. They fight and make up. It’s kind of pathetic that this sort of movie is still being made in 2017, honestly. A straight female character can have some of her shit together some of the time. It doesn’t need to be all or nothing. And she doesn’t need to wear combat boots in the summer.

After breaking things off with Kevin, Sarah starts things up with a bookstore patron who had been crushing on her. Switching from “Kevin” mode to “Jonathan” mode, we see an even more unbearable side of her: a needy, self-obsessed side that I simply could not buy from Caplan. Making matters worse, Sarah’s friends in the movie are even more vapid than she is, which only emphasizes how prone she is to making terrible choices. Caplan is way too cool, and way too self-respecting in real life, to pull off portraying someone that shallow with a world that small. Of course, neediness and self-obsession are perfectly normal human qualities, but knowing little else about Sarah forces those qualities to be magnified in the movie. Caplan is stooping to overdramatic, MPDG levels. In short: she sucks!

By the end of the movie, I was deeply disappointed in its unnecessary baggage. The cast of Save the Date gave it so much potential, and their magnetism was wasted on a script that didn’t take a single risk.

Super Troopers

It’s simple. If you don’t find the following clip funny, you probably won’t enjoy this movie.

I came into this movie with low expectations, and came out of it wishing I had watched as a teenager with a bunch of dude friends. Only then, I imagine, would I possess the full appreciation for it that most my age do. It’s a bro comedy, but not in the obnoxious sense that we’re familiar with now. I only say “bro” because, for the most part, men dig this movie. The occasional lady with a decent sense of humor–and I’m going to include myself in that group–would also dig, and I think it’s because the humor is subtler than you might expect. Sure, there’s an unnecessarily long shot of the least attractive guy in the movie’s schlong, but this movie isn’t dependent on star power as comedies are these days. In fact, the only stars I can remember off the top of my head are Jim Gaffigan (in the afore-embedded clip) and That Same Guy Who Also Played An Important Military-esque Character in Malcolm in the Middle. [Actually, full disclaimer, when I looked him up just now, I remember that I recognized Geoffrey Arend, a.k.a. Mr. Christina Hendricks, because he played the guy at the beginning who has to eat all the weed. Nice.]

Isn’t it nice to watch a movie where you don’t know who any of the actors are? Kinda transports you into the story, you know, the way it’s supposed to happen when you watch something entertaining. Again, this movie wasn’t exactly made with the intention of getting people to think deeply, but even with farcical comedy, it’s still possible to get lost in the comedy. This here flick is a classic, and that’s all I have to say for meow.