The Accidental Husband

This movie isn’t worth a blog post at all, but I feel the need to write one as a preventative measure for everyone else. Don’t put yourself through it.

I appreciate a good chick flick. I am a chick, so it’s okay that I appreciate them. I dig Love Actually, for example. And The Holiday. And The Wedding Planner. It’s hard to say why. But The Accidental Husband is the kind of chick flick that makes all the decent ones cower in shame. It’s the kind that any dude should totally make fun of us for watching, and any girl should be ashamed of watching. I was. My excuse is that I was sick and my roommates wanted to watch it, so I gave in. I also made them watch Horrible Bosses afterward in exchange for my 90 minutes of melodrama-induced pain.

Here’s how it worked: Uma Thurman starts out with Colin Firth AND DOESN’T END UP WITH COLIN FIRTH. That alone should tell you something. Who ditches that man? (And side note, Firth deserves points for starring in so many shitty chick flicks in his career and yet also managing to choose the best serious roles when he needs to. By “best,” I mean “Oscar-nod-worthy.” He can phone it in most of the time and then work hard exactly when he knows he needs to. Bravo.) Anyway, besides that superficial note, I have… many more. Uma Thurman’s hair looks shitty. She plays a radio love doctor, like Frasier Crane, except actually with hair that looks worse than his did. She ruins Jeffrey Dean Morgan’s relationship with Vanessa from Six Feet Under, he sabotages her relationship with Uncle Jamie by getting some hacker kid to marry them, they get at each other’s throats, they fall in love whilst annoying the shit out of each other, there’s a fucking scene in the RAIN FOR GOD’S SAKE, and a drunken bar scene, and every cliche is checked off the list very nicely. None of the cliche scenes make any sense, as you can imagine, but by the end, they end up together and she is knocked up. Gross. Do something better with your time.

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