Avatar

I broke down and watched it. My overall thought is this: That was three hours of my life I can never get back.

My roommate was semi-rooting for me not to finish it, mostly because I’ve been protesting this movie ever since it came out. But I decided to fold out of curiosity, I guess. And maybe I’m even glad I did. The visuals were absolutely stunning, as predicted. From that standpoint, I wish I had taken the time to see it on a bigger screen, maybe even in 3D. But aside from that element, I didn’t see anything special about what I will now refer to as James Cameron’s 3D Rainbow Wankfest.

This movie did not need to be 3 hours long. I understand that a lot of 3D movies go for the “Wow!” factor and add extra scenery and footage to maximize the use of the 3D cameras and all that, but for a movie with this familiar a plot, 3 hours is 1 hour too long. The dialogue was pathetic, too, especially at the beginning. It treated the audience as though it was stupid, setting up the entire exposition as though each character was reading from an instruction manual. I did like that a dude without functioning legs got the chance to experience life on foot again, but according to my sci-fi savvy roommate, that shit’s been done and done again. Avatar, therefore, is a pretty spectacular carbon copy of a bunch of other stuff. It’s disappointing, reallyβ€”but at least Cameron didn’t win the Oscar.

A few random things to note: Creating a new language is pretty awesome, so I’ll give one snap to Cameron for that. Sigourney Weaver sounds like Martha Stewart. So much so that I don’t actually enjoy her as an actress because she sounds like Martha reciting lines. And the sex scene between the two Nav’i? No thank you. The chemistry was surprisingly believable between fake Sam Worthington and Fake Zoe Saldana, but the sex ruined it completely. It was probably for the nerds, anyway.

Over and out. And never again.

Advertisements