Three words: WHAT. DAMN. ARMY?
God, Taylor Lautner is such a bad actor. He’s forced to say all these dumb lines and he grimaces each time. He probably knows he’s just being exploited for his abs and tan skin and nice hair, so he winces at the thought of the words he’s saying. But I’m not defending him. He could have done Desperate Housewives or something. Anyway, this movie, as usual, was the best waste of time. Not as great a waste of time as New Moon, but a pretty good one nevertheless. Robert Pattinson got legitimately funnier, Taylor Lautner started dropping mild profanity and Kristen Stewart actually smiled with her teeth a few times. Oh, and Dakota Fanning said some weird shit. But what else can you expect?
This movie was basically a filler. I think the only important things that happened were Edward and Bella’s engagement, and the agreement not to beat the shit out of each other between the Cullens and the wolfy people. Edward and Bella, despite their outward adorable appearances, are actually a really annoying couple. They’re incredibly codependent, and they definitely have chemistry, but neither seems genuinely happy when they’re around each other. It’s like they’re being forced into living a certain way by some cosmic force, but they’re not even that stoked about it.
Stupid goddamn vampires, by the way. Why do there have to be evil ones like Dakota and Victoria and Eric Northman? Why can’t they all be like Angel and Bill and Edward and whatnot? They’re so much more fun that way. I think my actual favorite part of the movie was all the flashbacks, like learning how Nikki Reed’s vamp and Jasper vamp became, you know, vamps.
For the sake of laughter, though, I enjoyed everything out of T.Laut’s mouth. Especially when he uttered the lines wearing a different pair of shorts. Sometimes he wore cutoffs, like Tobias, and other times, he wore khakis, like an Abercrombie model. It was weird. But it was sure as hell entertaining. Can’t wait for the bloody birth scene!!