Twilight

The acting was terrible. TERRIBLE. The premise was almost incomprehensible (I’ll get to that in a second). The lighting was…stark.

But you know what? I freakin’ loved this movie.

It’s absolutely ridiculous how bad Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are at acting. I’m not saying I could do any better, but they’re terrible actors. I watched this with a friend who had seen it before and read the book, as well, and she said that I’d have to read the book to understand why these two make such awkward, gawking pauses at each other for the first 30 minutes of the film. I say, yeah, I might need to read the book, but a movie should also allow me the pleasure of understanding what the fuck the characters are thinking. Anyway. Eloquent insult notwithstanding, it’s a brilliant storyline, and I know that this cinematic version is tame compared to the crack cocaine that is the book.

So anti-Twilighters need to get over it. Edward Cullen is THE MAN. He can fly, he sparkles in the sunlight, he looks like a good kisser and damn it, he has a Volvo. Robert Pattinson, on the other hand, seems to have initially been an alright guy, but his shyness got the best of him, swallowed him whole, and now he has to exude that aloof dumbassness wherever he goes, matted hair and chin positioning included. Oh well. Back to Edward Cullen. I think that the book, or the story, or the movie, or whatever, brings up an interesting point about trusting people. Yeah, that’s right, I’m totally waxing philosophical about Twilight. Can you dig it?

SeΓ±or Cullen has everything going against him, and that sucks. A lot. (Pun!) But he manages to resist the most fatal temptation, the bite, to be with the girl he loves. Does that mean we should be inspired by such a figure to overcome such difficult obstacles and resist screwing over the people we love so we can feel better?

Well, when I put it like that, yeah. But also consider this: Edward Cullen is superhuman. He has the power to kill, the instinct to kill, rather, but he has a strong power to save, too. His abilities surpass those of a normal human, and he is able to overcome them and take lil Bella to the Prom. So, instead, does that mean that we are all completely powerless? Probably yes.

Damn you, Edward Cullen. Damn you for providing me with false expectations about love, power, the supernatural, the future and beauty. And damn you for making me enjoy every minute of it. Sigh…you really are the perfect man.

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